I’m a student of happiness. I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s all about after all. Don’t we all just want to be happy?
Are you happy? What would make you happy? If you’re like most, you’ll be happy after this hectic week passes …when you get that wage rise …when you lose weight …when that holiday finally comes around.
Or not. Next week will be just as busy, rich people want to be richer and lean people want to be leaner. Some of the most ‘in-shape’ people I know are the least satisfied with their body. You never arrive. And before you know it, the holiday you were counting the days down to has been and gone and it’s back to the regular routine.
Newsflash: happiness isn’t just around the corner. Believe that it is, and you’ll spend your whole life chasing it, and falling into the common ‘happiness traps’ identified by Dr Dan Baker in the excellent What Happy People Know.
So where can we find happiness? What do happy people know?
Peaks and valleys
Happy people know that nobody is always happy. That’s crazy talk. How can we experience satisfaction without first being dissatisfied? “There can be no wave without the trough”, as Baker puts it. Even then, it’s not really the highs in life that make us happy – trying to find happiness through pleasure is a mistake so many people make every weekend. They look forward to idle leisure time munching pleasurable foods only to feel empty when they’ve had their fill and it’s Sunday night already!
Proactivity
In contrast, proactivity is one of 12 qualities of happiness Baker shares. Happy people play an active role in their own destinies. Rather than play the victim or wait for events or other people to make them happy, they take responsibility. They exercise choice: they decide what they really want and put their energy into what will do the most good.
Optimism
Another quality is optimism. Optimism doesn’t mean living in ‘la-la’ land where ‘everything happens for the best’. Optimism, as Baker puts it, is a realisation that “the more painful the event, the more profound the lesson”. Nothing is all bad. This view of optimism helps us overcome both fear of the future and regret for the past. Happy people don’t get hung up on the tough times because they know they hold the best lessons:
There are so many lessons in this life that we just don’t want to learn – lessons about how dangerous life can be and how vulnerable we all are. You can’t just tell someone these things and expect him to become wise. Wisdom only comes the hard way. But when it comes, it can keep you from suffering even greater tragedies in the future, including the greatest tragedy of all, which is to waltz through life unaware, unconnected, and unfulfilled. (Dr. Dan Baker, What Happy People Know)
Appreciation
The ultimate fear-beater is appreciation. Happy people are grateful for what they have in life. Even the little things. Especially the little things. This was one of my 9 lessons from my backpacking adventure.
Language
My personal training clients know I’m also a stickler for language: the words we use and the stories we tell ourselves. This is because, in Baker’s words, “we do not describe the world we see, we see the world we describe.” Happy people are impeccable with their word. They use language that creates positive perceptions of life and the world they live in. Unhappy people recite that same old story: they talk victimisation, entitlement and blame. The choice is yours.
And then some
Happy people lead with their strengths. They take care of their health. They have the courage to live a life of purpose according to their own values. “It means being your true self, even when it hurts” as Dr. Baker says.
BIG IDEA: Happiness isn’t a destination we arrive at when everything finally falls into place in our life. It’s something we can practice throughout the journey.
TAKEAWAY: Amongst other things, happy people practice gratitude and optimism. They exercise choice in their lives and use language that helps them view things in a positive light.
ACTION STEP: Check out What Happy People Know by Dr. Dan Baker.
Always Keep Reaching!
Mike
